Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
