I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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