As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
