he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
