we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize