His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
