just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
