How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
