matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
