he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
