ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize