He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
