i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
