Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
