Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
