'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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