he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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