he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
