Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We are two peas in an std pod
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
