he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
