I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
this is an emotional support booty call
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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