if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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