Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Randomize
