New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just high enough for therapy.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
