there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
