This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
