Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
