I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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