I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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