I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
