capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
