I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
