If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
