You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize