Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
