O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
