I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
