I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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