I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
