I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
