My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
