i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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