Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
