You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
