I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
