i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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