Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I want to walk on stilts...naked
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
