when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
