well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
