hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
