Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
