sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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