Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
