I want to walk on stilts...naked
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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