Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
