he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
