omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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