Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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