So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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