Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
